ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
