Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
