Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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