It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
