even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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