we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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