dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
