Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
