you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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