I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She even gives head with a lisp.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
