so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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