Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
