ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
