??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize