nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The air was thick with penises
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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