I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
