Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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