She's JV to your varsity
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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