wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
