My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
