It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
