Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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