I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
