I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
