i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
