this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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