Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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