waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
