I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
