On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
