He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
