so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
