sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
