Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
