It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
