I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
