she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
