just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just found out that she named her cat after me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
