well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
