One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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