I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
