I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
