Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
