My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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