He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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