i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
