How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
