...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
