If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
only if we run a train.
done.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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