i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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