I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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