I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
