I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
