Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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