PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
