i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
