puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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