Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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