they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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