been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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