i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
is it fun? or sober?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
