dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
