i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize