Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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