If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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