Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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