So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
