I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
