I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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